On the ride up to Tambourine Mountain, we got to know Paul a little better and immediately liked him. He is, in fact, somewhere in his 40s. He didn't try to hide the fact that being a father was the most challenging thing he has done in his life--an insight that looked deep into his character. He also had a charming English dry wit.
Our job for Paul and Sue was to be housekeeping. Sue is doing a PhD in film at a university in Brisbane and has no time around the house due to heavy office hours and teaching. Paul is going for his Masters in psychology and works on the side as a social worker, along with doing most of the caring for their two sons.
Sue was very kind, but she almost immediately didn't sit well with me. She's one of those people that has to make other people feel awkward to feel less awkward herself. As an example, her son Noah would make a rather un-funny joke at the table and she would emphasize the fact that she thought it was un-funny (yeeeeaah, okay Noah *eyes roll*). It was sort of like she was always trying to prove she belonged in the cool adults circle, and it was unnecessary and also slightly off-putting. It really isn't enough that I disliked her, but she made my heckles rise at first.
Joe and Sue got along swimmingly. They would get each other talking and not stop. I love it when Joe and I have such different reactions to people because it makes me remember how different we are and how we make a good team.
Their sons, Noah and Magnus, are 12 and 7, I think. Noah is an eldest child--brash, impatient, bold. Magnus is a second-born with a milder and more delicate personality. They are wildly different. Magnus plays with Noah like I played with my brothers--willing to roughhouse and have fun, but the minute I get a small owie or my feelings get hurt, games are over. Magnus was so cute. He was shy and thoughtful.
Also, interestingly, Magnus apparently has gender identification issues. I say apparently because I learned this fact second-hand. Once I heard this though, I picked up on a few cues. For instance, the only friend of Magnus's that we met was a girl. Plus, I noticed a marked lack of gender-specific pet names from Paul and Sue. Paul called Noah "dude," but he usually used "sweetie" or "sweetheart" with Magnus, and if he called him by name, it was usually "Mags," which passes for a girl's name.
It did make me wonder something very interesting. Did Magnus have gender identity issues because his father is a psychologist who is aware of such issues? The development of this thought is soooo complicated that you would never be able to work it out. (In case this sounds like nature vs nurture, it might be dabbling there.) I'm a huge proponent for not putting people in boxes, but at the same time, most of my childhood, some part of me wanted to be male.
Ooooooh boy, maybe this is a can of worms. Do I reveal this part of me and do I discuss this sticky issue? I feel safe doing it because (A) no one reads this blog and (B) I think the world understands I mean no harm, I'm just exploring this little area of the world.
There is this story my parents have told me from when I was very young. My mom and dad put Dave and I in the tub for a bath and stepped out for a moment, but were drawn back shortly after when they heard screeching. I was screaming, "I am not a gore!" (girl; Dave's little speech 'embellishment'). And he was screaming back, "You are too a gore!" And quite frankly, that never really went away.
I'm not sure now that I want to be a boy. There are a lot of advantages to being a girl--I don't seem weak when I run from spiders, I get to be doted on like a princess, and I have emotional capacity that beats that of a teaspoon (first person to guess the reference gets a prize).
But it makes me wonder--if gender issues were as mainstream as they are now (and they're not super mainstream now, but certainly more so than that day in the tub) and I had parents training to identify things like my distaste for all things female, would I have gone through something like Magnus?
It's so weird to try to imagine my life so differently. I desperately wanted to be like my brothers, but mostly I just didn't want to be put in a box that was far from Dave and Calv. I didn't want pink and fluffy things because I wanted to be best friends with my bothers, but it was never a matter of feeling like I was meant to be something other than what I was.
So, if I had psychologists for parents in a culture very accepting of gender identification issues, would that have been something I pursued? And don't get me wrong--I don't think Magnus is going through anything remotely similar to my experience, but I just wonder what could be different? Maybe I should have emphasized the masculine in me. If I did that, though, I would miss some of the great things about being female.
It really made me think. I hope Magnus is able to navigate that because it is a tricky subject area.
Our time at Tambourine Mountain was mostly full of working for Paul and Sue and hiking in the surrounding rainforest areas. We got caught in a rainstorm so bad that we had to take cover, but eventually ditch all notions of staying dry. We did a lot of walking between all the trails we hiked, which felt good after a month of storing fat in Auckland.
Another part that helped that fatty feeling was that Paul and Sue and the kids were vegetarian and cooked vegetarian for us. Joe was nervous about not feeling full enough at first, but eventually he really got into the vegetarian thing. He was full of awe that he could be full without meat. I exaggerate a bit, but he really enjoyed it and we both felt a little healthier.
One of our first days at Tambourine Mountain, we got some business done. We bought a SIM card for the phone (the number you would dial from the US is something like +61 401 567 215) at the post office. Right next door was the doctor's office, where I had an appointment to get some of my prescriptions refilled. It felt good to cross those off our lists and the prescriptions were even cheaper than in NZ (thankfully, because NZ's price hurt us).
I don't want to pass judgment on the family, but the way they lived I would not have survived. It seemed like they must have helpx-ers often because they were so close to slipping into the depths of dysfunctional housekeeping and the only way they stayed away from total melt-down was us.
Again, I'm exaggerating, but it felt like that at the time. We were doing some deep-cleaning for them, but we were also doing some very basic stuff that was piling up. They had load after load after load of laundry, which was full of socks of every size and shape and color and no two socks were very alike.
Not only that, but really, really basic things were being overlooked, like if you take bread and cheese and ham out of the fridge to make the boys' sandwiches in the morning, they go back in the fridge when finished. Toast and jam were left out, butter was left out, basically nothing was put away by the time the parents had gone to work and the kids to school.
Easy for me to judge; I have no kids, no job, no home to look after, and no pets.
And I suppose that is probably how all homes are run and all of my married-with-kids friends are nodding and saying duh right now. Which makes me think that when I go from this to married-with-kids, my whole approach will have to stand on its head and I'll have to relax a lot.
And you know, it was good work. It was frustrating many times because it was clutter cleaning, with just a bit of regular cleaning. I hate clutter cleaning when it is my stuff, but clutter cleaning at someone else's house is nearly impossible because I never feel like I have the authority to throw something away, reorganize whole cupboards, or put things in a totally new spot.
But other than that, it was great work. We would work for four hours inside the house, organizing, sweeping, vacuuming, washing walls, etc, and then we would go for walks and see the area. Plus, since our room was downstairs and in a corner, we felt like we could get away without being obviously anti-social.
Sue was very kind, but she almost immediately didn't sit well with me. She's one of those people that has to make other people feel awkward to feel less awkward herself. As an example, her son Noah would make a rather un-funny joke at the table and she would emphasize the fact that she thought it was un-funny (yeeeeaah, okay Noah *eyes roll*). It was sort of like she was always trying to prove she belonged in the cool adults circle, and it was unnecessary and also slightly off-putting. It really isn't enough that I disliked her, but she made my heckles rise at first.
Joe and Sue got along swimmingly. They would get each other talking and not stop. I love it when Joe and I have such different reactions to people because it makes me remember how different we are and how we make a good team.
Their sons, Noah and Magnus, are 12 and 7, I think. Noah is an eldest child--brash, impatient, bold. Magnus is a second-born with a milder and more delicate personality. They are wildly different. Magnus plays with Noah like I played with my brothers--willing to roughhouse and have fun, but the minute I get a small owie or my feelings get hurt, games are over. Magnus was so cute. He was shy and thoughtful.
Also, interestingly, Magnus apparently has gender identification issues. I say apparently because I learned this fact second-hand. Once I heard this though, I picked up on a few cues. For instance, the only friend of Magnus's that we met was a girl. Plus, I noticed a marked lack of gender-specific pet names from Paul and Sue. Paul called Noah "dude," but he usually used "sweetie" or "sweetheart" with Magnus, and if he called him by name, it was usually "Mags," which passes for a girl's name.
It did make me wonder something very interesting. Did Magnus have gender identity issues because his father is a psychologist who is aware of such issues? The development of this thought is soooo complicated that you would never be able to work it out. (In case this sounds like nature vs nurture, it might be dabbling there.) I'm a huge proponent for not putting people in boxes, but at the same time, most of my childhood, some part of me wanted to be male.
Ooooooh boy, maybe this is a can of worms. Do I reveal this part of me and do I discuss this sticky issue? I feel safe doing it because (A) no one reads this blog and (B) I think the world understands I mean no harm, I'm just exploring this little area of the world.
There is this story my parents have told me from when I was very young. My mom and dad put Dave and I in the tub for a bath and stepped out for a moment, but were drawn back shortly after when they heard screeching. I was screaming, "I am not a gore!" (girl; Dave's little speech 'embellishment'). And he was screaming back, "You are too a gore!" And quite frankly, that never really went away.
I'm not sure now that I want to be a boy. There are a lot of advantages to being a girl--I don't seem weak when I run from spiders, I get to be doted on like a princess, and I have emotional capacity that beats that of a teaspoon (first person to guess the reference gets a prize).
But it makes me wonder--if gender issues were as mainstream as they are now (and they're not super mainstream now, but certainly more so than that day in the tub) and I had parents training to identify things like my distaste for all things female, would I have gone through something like Magnus?
It's so weird to try to imagine my life so differently. I desperately wanted to be like my brothers, but mostly I just didn't want to be put in a box that was far from Dave and Calv. I didn't want pink and fluffy things because I wanted to be best friends with my bothers, but it was never a matter of feeling like I was meant to be something other than what I was.
So, if I had psychologists for parents in a culture very accepting of gender identification issues, would that have been something I pursued? And don't get me wrong--I don't think Magnus is going through anything remotely similar to my experience, but I just wonder what could be different? Maybe I should have emphasized the masculine in me. If I did that, though, I would miss some of the great things about being female.
It really made me think. I hope Magnus is able to navigate that because it is a tricky subject area.
Our time at Tambourine Mountain was mostly full of working for Paul and Sue and hiking in the surrounding rainforest areas. We got caught in a rainstorm so bad that we had to take cover, but eventually ditch all notions of staying dry. We did a lot of walking between all the trails we hiked, which felt good after a month of storing fat in Auckland.
Another part that helped that fatty feeling was that Paul and Sue and the kids were vegetarian and cooked vegetarian for us. Joe was nervous about not feeling full enough at first, but eventually he really got into the vegetarian thing. He was full of awe that he could be full without meat. I exaggerate a bit, but he really enjoyed it and we both felt a little healthier.
One of our first days at Tambourine Mountain, we got some business done. We bought a SIM card for the phone (the number you would dial from the US is something like +61 401 567 215) at the post office. Right next door was the doctor's office, where I had an appointment to get some of my prescriptions refilled. It felt good to cross those off our lists and the prescriptions were even cheaper than in NZ (thankfully, because NZ's price hurt us).
I don't want to pass judgment on the family, but the way they lived I would not have survived. It seemed like they must have helpx-ers often because they were so close to slipping into the depths of dysfunctional housekeeping and the only way they stayed away from total melt-down was us.
Again, I'm exaggerating, but it felt like that at the time. We were doing some deep-cleaning for them, but we were also doing some very basic stuff that was piling up. They had load after load after load of laundry, which was full of socks of every size and shape and color and no two socks were very alike.
Not only that, but really, really basic things were being overlooked, like if you take bread and cheese and ham out of the fridge to make the boys' sandwiches in the morning, they go back in the fridge when finished. Toast and jam were left out, butter was left out, basically nothing was put away by the time the parents had gone to work and the kids to school.
Easy for me to judge; I have no kids, no job, no home to look after, and no pets.
And I suppose that is probably how all homes are run and all of my married-with-kids friends are nodding and saying duh right now. Which makes me think that when I go from this to married-with-kids, my whole approach will have to stand on its head and I'll have to relax a lot.
And you know, it was good work. It was frustrating many times because it was clutter cleaning, with just a bit of regular cleaning. I hate clutter cleaning when it is my stuff, but clutter cleaning at someone else's house is nearly impossible because I never feel like I have the authority to throw something away, reorganize whole cupboards, or put things in a totally new spot.
But other than that, it was great work. We would work for four hours inside the house, organizing, sweeping, vacuuming, washing walls, etc, and then we would go for walks and see the area. Plus, since our room was downstairs and in a corner, we felt like we could get away without being obviously anti-social.
There were something like 5 or 6 reserves on the mountain that had "tramps" in them and we made it to every single one. We felt pretty good about that because it meant we missed nothing in Tambourine Mountain!
While at Paul and Sue's, Joe started doing some yoga when he found an instruction book. He caught the bug, I would say.
We were continuing to look at our next option at the end of our week at Tambourine Mountain and we still wanted to do one that seemed too far away. That whole thing is a story in and of itself, but we decided to take the opportunity when we found a rideshare from Brisbane to Townsville, which was exactly where we needed to go. We sent the next helps host a note saying we would be there at the end of the week.
We were originally planning to leave Monday, but when Sue told us she was going to Brisbane on Tuesday and could give us a ride, we hopped on that, pushing out the leaving day with the rideshare.
Brisbane was beautiful, including the purely pedestrian bridge that started right from Sue's office at Griffith University and went to the start of the botanic gardens nearer the main part of the city. The day was beautiful and we only regretted not having more time in the city. We left our bags at Sue's office, walked through the botanical gardens on the other side of the bridge, and then came back hurriedly to get bags.
We found our way to the train, which took us to the central station, where we would find Liz, our ride. We hopped into her new VW van and off we went!
While at Paul and Sue's, Joe started doing some yoga when he found an instruction book. He caught the bug, I would say.
We were continuing to look at our next option at the end of our week at Tambourine Mountain and we still wanted to do one that seemed too far away. That whole thing is a story in and of itself, but we decided to take the opportunity when we found a rideshare from Brisbane to Townsville, which was exactly where we needed to go. We sent the next helps host a note saying we would be there at the end of the week.
We were originally planning to leave Monday, but when Sue told us she was going to Brisbane on Tuesday and could give us a ride, we hopped on that, pushing out the leaving day with the rideshare.
Brisbane was beautiful, including the purely pedestrian bridge that started right from Sue's office at Griffith University and went to the start of the botanic gardens nearer the main part of the city. The day was beautiful and we only regretted not having more time in the city. We left our bags at Sue's office, walked through the botanical gardens on the other side of the bridge, and then came back hurriedly to get bags.
We found our way to the train, which took us to the central station, where we would find Liz, our ride. We hopped into her new VW van and off we went!
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